18
Six columns of improvised text to prove I can write, that I’m creative and special, that I’m alive, that I lived.
All this has to happen now, and not later, like life, which always happens now and not later.
This is a library, it has desks and books, and shelves, but the desks are the books, and the shelves has rows of heinz ketchup, sugar-free, reduced sugar, reduced salt, reduced.
The real library I’m in has people stacked in seats, like me, they are not writing six columns of nothing, and instead reading six pages of something more, or less real depending on where you look to it.
Write this, is easy, send this, another game, I’m often terrified, I think people will judge me, this started recently, before I wouldn’t pass the salt and keep eating.
I use broken grammar, and any words I want, sometimes mix languages, for here we make the rules, who are we exactly?
I was slightly hunched now I’m laid back, does this apply to my personality too? Hunched meaning looking closer at things and obsessing, laid back meaning not caring too much about the paper in front of you, is this where the saying comes from?? Hold your breath, in two seconds and lines, we’ll go deeper, in the other column, it won’t be laid-back.
Welcome to this one. Do you hate your mother? Not easy, is the answer real, it might be, now take a breath, is the breath real? How real is your job, what would happen if you leave it, just randomly and go for a walk, without telling anybody anything. If you were on a boat. This morning, if you woke up in a boat. A 12 meter boat. In the atlantic, going towards one of the directions, you didn’t know, your name was different, you didn’t go to the schools you went, you have a penis instead of a vagina, or vice versa, or it’s blank there, there is nothing there. What’s happening with you? Who the fuck are you, take a deep breath and look in the mirror, can you recognize yourself. I’ll tell you a story, it’s not about recognition.I’ve met a man, or men, not really sure, many sides, he would breath in everything in a room, but everything, and everything, any slight gesture, and twitch, any sudden jerk in your arms, your hesitation and how you move your eyes away, nothing escapes him, you when you didn’t know what to do, and held his arm instead, to show some sort of kindness, he breathed it in, both the kindness and the desperation, he breathed everything in the lady sitting in the corner, the broken tile three steps from you, a dream you had, about how you were on a boat, and you had a different name and genitals, he got up, kissed you on your forehead, and slowly left the room. There was nothing left in the room.Snap of the fingers, monkey hitting symbols, a clap, a clapper, a sound, get back to here, are you back? Now we are together, I’m almost done with my stint of columns, but we are not done yet. We are now on the fifth and here if you let the hesitation come in it will eat you, really will kill you, bite into your liver, you know what that feels like? No, you need to have everything coming from all sides to know it. You need to be poor, which you probably don’t really know, I’m not sure I do, this part is stressing me out, I have to take deep breaths and shake my knees, watch people on the street, the poor ones, look how they sit, especially the guys, look at the man, it’s hard for them, look at a construction worker.With the last column we snap completely out, whatever was there now doesn’t really concern us. Think a beautiful sunset, think about taking a shower, water touching your skin. Think about skiing. The breeze, the cold breeze on your face, think about the sun, is it kissing you? Would you want it to? Are you rested? Forget about it, don’t really think about it, take a breather. Take a deep breath. This is a creative exercise, non of this is real, you’re not on a boat, and you don’t have the other way around genitals, you are you, all beautfiul, all special, exactly where you are, with exactly what you’re wearing and what you had for lunch. It was a good lunch.